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主题: ROBOTS in the future

ROBOTS in the future 2013-04-28 09:15 周日 #1

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There will be many robots in the future.they will be able do many dangerous work for us.they will work as a cleaner,a housewife,a worker and so on.people only need control them at home.maybe they will be doctors,writers even scientists,they will have many kinds of shapes.
A kind of robot which looks like a big hoe would be invented.they are small in size but strong in brain.these robots will display a remarkably human-like intelligence when it plants.and they will be able to do better than people.a cleaner robot's left hand is a big electric broom,it can sweep all kinds of trash even chewing gum.it's right hand is a dustpan.the left of it recycles trash.the right side of it can destroy trash.maybe there will be a kind of robot that is cleverer than human-race.it will be scientist and invent many new and novel things.
These are all moving in the good direction.but won't robots destroy humans?however,we can't predict the future.but we should study harder,the makers of these robots will be us.we will take on the burden of changing the world!
最后修改: 2013-04-28 12:34 周日 作者: 王辰.
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ROBOTS in the future 2013-04-28 09:17 周日 #2

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There will be many robots in the future.they will be able do many dangerous work for us.they will work as a cleaner,a housewife,a worker and so on.people only need control them at home.maybe they will be doctors,writers even scientists,they will have many kinds of shapes.
A kind of robot which looks like(with a big hoe?) a big hoe would be invented.(How can you be sure? Nothing in the future is certain. Perhaps you can use"may be invented" instead.)they are (wrong tense)small in size but strong in brain.these robots will display a remarkably human-like intelligence when it plants(plants what? plant is a transitive verb; it should be followed by a noun).and they will be able to do better than people(In terms of what? Could you be more specific?).(Start in a new paragraph when you talk about another type of robot.)a cleaner robot's left hand is(wrong tense) a big electric broom,it can sweep all kinds of trash, even chewing gum.it's right hand is(wrong tense) a dustpan.the left of it recycles trash(sweeps up trash?).the right side of it can destroy trash(collects trash or can the dustpan break the trash down into smaller parts?).maybe there will be a kind of robot that is cleverer than human-race(human beings).it will be a scientist and invent many new and novel(repetitive. Choose one) things.
These are all moving in the good(right, not good) direction.(All? but your later statement contradicts with this claim.)but won't robots destroy humans?(why and how?)however,we can't predict the future.but we should study harder,the makers(inventors) of these robots will be us.we will take on the burden of changing the world!

A few tips for improving your essay:
1. Brush up your grammar. Grammar is the most important indicator of your language proficiency. Make sure you have no tense errors; subject-verb agreement errors etc.
2. Structure your essay. An outstanding essay structure should have an introduction, a few body paragraphs and a conclusion. A successful introduction should arouse readers' interests and give an overview of your body paragraphs. Each body paragraph should contain a topic sentence to tell the readers what this paragraph is about in one sentence. The remaining sentences of the paragraph should elaborate on the topic sentence. As for the conclusion, it should give a brief summary of your body paragraphs and end your essay on a firm note. Additionally, transitional words like "however" and "furthermore" indicates the flow of your essay and adds to structure coherence. Use these words and phrases more often.
3.Vary your sentence structure. Avoid opening two consecutive sentences with the same word. Four sentenses opening with "they will..." immediately bores the reader. You can choose to open a sentence with an adverb and a gerund or change it into the passive voice. Also, short sentences should alternate with long sentences. The ability to constuct complex sentences with impressive vocabulary and sophisticated grammar showcases your language skills. Short sentences are impactful.

Task: rewrite this essay according to the three tips listed above.
最后修改: 2013-04-28 12:13 周日 作者: 王辰.
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xukaimin 2018-11-19 10:00 周一 #3

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michael kors factory outlet 2018-11-24 09:30 周六 #4

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