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主题: 【转】爸妈网上一个爸爸对一位妈妈关于孩子疑似多动教不了的回答

【转】爸妈网上一个爸爸对一位妈妈关于孩子疑似多动教不了的回答​ 2015-12-02 12:50 周三 #1

  • 皮皮妈
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原帖见 www.ebama.net/thread-280172-4-1.html

看了你的诉说,我首先要骂你,你根本就不是一个合格的妈妈,你连自己的嘴都管不住,你还想孩子怎么样?你明知道孩子是好动的孩子,你怎么就不能付出比别的妈妈更多的耐心呢?你先看这篇文章http://www.edjx.cn/JiaoZiYouFang/JiaoJiaoGuShi/19163.html。

不管这篇文章是不是真实的故事,但这个故事告诉我们一个道理,就是对孩子要有无限的宽容和耐心。其实我们都已经对自己的孩子宽容了,但怎么个宽容法,理性与抓狂的父母采取的方式截然不同。这个故事的妈妈就是一个非常理性的伟大的母亲。

我希望妈妈们永远记住:无论谁对自己的孩子失去希望,但作为孩子的母亲,你永远不能对自己的孩子失去希望,而是要对孩子始终充满信任。

什么是宽容和耐心?就是对孩子一切行为能够理性的对待,而不是孩子的行为稍微不如你意,你就歇斯底里歇斯底里了,你就破口大骂,拳打脚踢,象一个泼妇似了,这象什么?你都没有素养,孩子那来的素养?

对孩子宽容和耐心前提,是我们要了解孩子,了解孩子的天性。每个孩子都是不一样的,多动症在我看来,就是一个医学的谎言,只要孩子思维,行为,言语没有问题,孩子就是一个正常的孩子。

而你的孩子之所以象现在这样表现,肯定是有其原因的。我想,首先是孩子身体健康,精力充沛,只要清醒着,他就得活动,你让他静下来,就是让孩子受罪。这样的孩子往往不爱午睡。其次,孩子是一个好奇的孩子。每个小孩子来到世界上都会对这个世界的方方面面,一点一滴产生无尽的兴趣,象你的孩子这样的,更是好奇心特强的孩子,对于周围事物的感知,他需要用身体来表达。所以,如果我们不能耐心的给予正确的指导,孩子很难停下来。最后,我觉得应该就是家庭原因了,我们无法知晓你孩子从出生到现在你们家庭是否是一个和谐的家庭。但我在此表示怀疑。从你的表述来看,你是一个强势的女人,我觉得不只是对自己孩子,对你的男人估计也差不多。女人太过于强势对一个家庭来是致命的。怎么做一个有修养的有智慧的女人,在爸妈网里有也不少讨论。

只有了解了孩子,我们才能知道怎么和孩子搞好关系,其实这是一门不小的学问,说难挺难,说简单其实很简单。难,是因为我们不了解孩子,是因为我们太过浮躁和急功近利。我们很多爸爸妈妈,总想让孩子在很短的时间内就就达到什么什么样的目标,以满足自己的虚容心。对于孩子的不听话,从来是不经大脑思考,只想用暴力决,把自己作为家长,用自己的权威把孩子控制在自己的管辖之内。却从来不思考孩子在想什么,孩子需要什么。

事实上,只要我们能了解孩子,给予孩子足够的宽容和耐心,其实孩子是很能讲道理的。孩子和你顶嘴的时候,反映出来的不是孩子无知和不礼貌,而正是家长的无知和无能。我觉得和孩子能和谐相处的唯一标准,就是孩子是否能和平的和你对话,能把自己事情向你倾诉。而孩子对我们的倾诉是我们能够了解孩子的最佳途径。孩子和你顶嘴,不听你的话,说明这条最重要的途径早已被你打断了。很可能是一次孩子和你说话时,你的蛮横,粗暴,不尊重,导致孩子再也不想和你说话了。至此,你们之间已经没有了相互信任的关系。

父母是什么?是孩子的成长过程最大的依赖,是孩子成长的启蒙老师,是孩子成长的指引者。你觉得你胜任这个老师的职位了吗?

我们把孩子带到这个世界上,并不是把们简单的喂大就了事。更重要的是要带给他们生活的技能,告诉他们人生的道理。这些你自己有吗?

每个孩子来到世界上其实都是上天送给我们的精灵,就看我们怎么对其抚育了。你是尊重,平等,关爱?还是指责,谩骂,将其作为自己的一件附属物?

对孩子的不同态度,造就了不同的孩子。这点我们必须认真对待。

我们究竟要孩子怎么样,究竟想让孩子成为一个什么样的人?这个是我们必须思考的问题。

我觉得,我们既不能跟风,也不能随波逐流。我们要了解自己的孩子,发现孩子的特点,我们始终要想信自己的孩子虽然在很多方面差点,但在某方面一定有自己的过人之处,只是在小的时候,还没有显现出来。再退一步,即使我们的孩子没有什么突出的地方,但只要健健康康的长大,平平淡淡的生活,默默的成为社会的一分子,又有何不好?何必在孩子这么小就如此抓狂,如些焦虑呢?结果把自己和孩子,甚至家里所有人都弄得焦头烂额?

放平心态吧,尊重一些孩子的想法,拿出自己的耐心的,多看些书,多学习,多找自己的不足,多看到孩子的闪光点,而不是老揪住孩子的不足不放,慢慢的孩子就会越来好的。现在还来得及,请赶快结束过去的状态,重新开始吧。

说的够长的了。之所以说了这么多,是因为生活中象你家这样的孩子和你这样的妈妈太多了。我家的情况就有些相似。儿子好动,妈妈强势。

我儿孩子确实是一个比较好动的孩子,现在上学前大班。因为好动,被老师按排在最前排坐,被老师看的死死的,因为好动,每次放学去接他,总看到老师抓着他的手。在家里,除了听我讲故事,自己看电视或打游戏,玩玩具,手脚就根本闲不下来,走路都很少正步走,斜着歪着走,即使和我们说话的时候,手脚也停不下来,不是摸这就是碰那,老惹他妈妈生气,因为有些告诉了他好多次的事,他就是记不住,就是不改,有时候还嬉皮笑脸对着和你干,所以没有少挨他妈妈打和骂。为些我也没有少和他妈妈生气,他妈妈就说我在宠着他,结果是有时候,我也控制不了,偶尔也打孩子一下,但每次打了孩子我都特难过,因为我知道,很多事,错不在孩子,孩子对很多事其实并不明白,他可能是对一些事特进行一些探究,可是我们却并没有了解到他的目的,以致孩子稍微做了一些我们认为是不该的事,就对他施以重手。

我儿子平时就是玩,以前我们叫他他根本就不答应,但经我观察,其实大多时候他是听到了,只是太忙于,没有答应罢了。对此我专门做了一些训练,我不厌其烦的告诉孩子说,爸爸妈妈叫你,你一定要答应。而且有时间就演练一下,如,我叫他的名字,如果他不答应,我就平和的告诉他,你答应爸爸一声呀,他就答应一下了。经过一段时间后,就好多了。

我儿子在幼儿园没有上过中班,直接上大班。现在上学前大班。学习也基本能跟的上,比我们预期的要好许多了。比如说话,我儿子在三周岁半前基本不怎么说话,以致当时幼儿园的老师都怀疑我儿子自闭。对些我也针对性的做了一些调整。在孩子很小的时候,我们上班,而且没有帮带孩子,跟孩子相处的时间,就是下班时间,关键是我们俩都是不爱说话的人,这可能是导致我儿子不爱说话的主要原因,直接原因可能是因为在孩子刚出生的三年,我们总生气吵架。所以找到原因,我和他妈妈就商量,尽量多和孩子交流。现在我儿子虽然说话没有别的孩子流利,但说起一件事来,就是个没完没了,以致他妈很多时候都受不了:)

所以孩子表现不如我们的意,我觉得并不是孩子的错,更多的原因在于大人。我们要想改变孩子,必须从改变我们自身开始。

不要焦躁,不要攀比,不要期望太高。摆正心态,耐心的付出,而不求回报,学会做一下旁观者,而不是一个干涉者。孩子自然会越来越好的。



让我们默默的付出,静待花开吧。
最后修改: 2015-12-02 12:52 周三 作者: 皮皮妈.
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【转】爸妈网上一个爸爸对一位妈妈关于孩子疑似多动教不了的回答​ 2018-07-20 10:06 周五 #2

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chenqiuying 2018-10-22 13:42 周一 #3

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